Do First Loves Ever Get Back Together

Can first loves ever reconcile? The answer is, of course, a resounding yes. Not only does it happen, but it happens more often than you might think. But you already knew that didn’t you?

The real question then, is whether fate and time will dilute the bond that you once had, and permanently close the door on reconciliation. Will the intensity and passion of a first love endure through time?

Do first loves forever stand-out?

Almost everyone knows (directly or indirectly) a story involving first loves getting back together. Usually, one needn’t look beyond the extended family to find a heart-warming (or heart-breaking) story of long-lost reconciliation.

There’s something about a first love that we are never quite able to shake off entirely, leading to the occasional bout of introspective flirting with the past. But what makes first love so special?

There are many stereotypes regarding first loves. From the notion that they tend to be the measure and standard of our future romantic choices, to the idea that they were the person we fell in love with purely and ideologically — without thought for the morrow. The problem with these stereotypes is that they certainly aren’t true for everyone.

According to an article on the difficulty on moving on from a first love by Amelia Hill on the Guardian, what tends to distinguish first loves from “the others” is that they tend to be highly passionate yet distinctly unstable. And time, as we all know, can erase the memory of instability and lead us craving for a dose of that bubbling  romance instead.

“”If you judge adult relationships against your first relationship, you are using a single benchmark: that of an intense and unrealistic passion,” she said. “Adult relationships need all sorts of other virtues to survive, many of which are not compatible with that level of intensity. For example, you might have felt passionate about your first love because their spontaneity was breathtakingly exciting.””

The over-arching point I wish to make is that yes, first loves will forever remain special, but the strings that tie together the fondness of our memories are both unrealistic and (should reconciliation be attempted) often ultimately destructive.

[alert-note]The same characteristics that made our first love so quintessentially memorable, are precisely the same reasons the relationship was unable to survive. Now that’s a trade-off from hell![/alert-note]

The half-hearted day-dream

Not every first love is identical. And there’s every chance you wholeheartedly disagree with me. Perhaps that old flame could be rekindled successfully. You were young and naive, and are now wiser and able to more realistically juggle all aspects of a relationship.

Hereby hangs our problem. That first love now needs to transition into an adult relationship in order to endure. However, in doing so, do we not risk shedding precisely what made it so special way-back-when?

Added to which, our first love must also feel the same way we do, and be willing to risk taking a leap of faith — to surf a wave that already capsized the relationship boat once before. No mean feat!

Bah, humbug

I’m aware how dreary and stale my reasoning must sound, however, statistics dictate not all is lost (at least superficially).

The sheer number of people who end up reconciling many years later their high-school sweethearts remains staggering (reconciliation occurs most commonly occurs between the ages of 50 and 60!).

At the very least then, we can be optimistic about giving it another shot someday. My subjective take however is that the vast majority of attempted reconciliations are doomed to fail. But, as they say, to each their own. And if it does work out — as it occasionally will — you might just have found your own cross-section of enduring peace.


Images courtesy of chanpipat/