One of the most confusing aspects of an emotional post-breakup apocalypse is the advent of a dumper who seems hellbent on maintaining a platonic connection, despite subtly (or not so subtly) resisting the idea of reconciliation.
What’s going on here? Or perhaps more aptly, what gives?
If you’re asking yourself what their intentions are, or whether their offer of a peace pipe is a subtle way of potentially paving the way towards reconciliation, stay tuned. We’re about to go down the rabbit hole, and see how far it goes.
Is “Friends” The Code Word For Remorse?
Before I begin to throw poisonous darts at the friend-zone fallacy, allow me point out that whatever underlying intention they may cultivate in secret, reconciliation will only ever be successful if you are able to communicate and enjoy each others’ presence. Which means rekindling friendship.
Does this mean you should invest in that particular hope (should you desire it)? I would strongly advise you not to.
Breaking up does not always signify the death of feelings. In most cases it’s simply a question of unhappiness and day-to-day malaise. Because of this, there will also be the element of “missing you“. No matter how resolute the dumper is against romantic reconciliation.
You were a part of their lives, and they are going to miss you, even if they don’t miss the relationship itself.
If we’re going to assume anything, I would urge assuming the aforementioned statement, rather than rekindling false hope, and potentially throwing our healing back into the meat-grinder.
They’re Insinuating More Than Friendship
Perhaps they are flirting with the idea of using friendship as an avenue for rekindling the past. The problem here lies in the uncertainty of their intent. Perhaps. Brutally put; if they made a serious and transparent effort to rekindle the past, you wouldn’t be reading this article.
You wouldn’t have to.
Understandably, it is almost impossible to not over-analyze and daydream about their intentions. Who isn’t guilty of staring at the phone and wishing it would go off with their voice on the other end? Certainly not me.
But it is precisely for this reason that we must do what it takes to safeguard our feelings. Not with anger or arrogance, but by setting boundaries and conditions to the nature of contact. If they genuinely miss you, and you are simply unable to accept a platonic relationship, telling them friendship remains too painful will prompt them to up the ante or fold their hand.
If pride, fear or guilt is all it takes for them to backtrack, what does it really say about the strength of their feelings to begin with?
The Dumper Wants To Be Friends
Yes, an offer of friendship can mean nothing, everything and anything in between. But no matter what their intention is, our needs must come first. In a sense, their intent should ideally be irrelevant. The only thing that matters is what is forwarded to you transparently. If it is friendship they offer, it is platonic friendship you must consider. And not the what ifs or maybes it might lead to.