When it comes to reconciling, consistency is a sign that an ex is taking both you, and their romantic future seriously, because it will take more than an “oh, alright…” in order to rekindle trust and passion.
An ex who flip-flops on clarity and consistency may instead be trying to ease their own sense of insecurity by attempting to keep all their options open. Even a dumper committed to moving onto greener pastures may occasionally feel hesitant about their decision, and so will prefer having a backup plan should the emotional house of cards crumble.
On the plus side, a seemingly resentful or angry ex that remains consistent with their contact is doing so for a reason. They continue to depend on your attention. While this does not necessarily bode well for reconciliation, it pays to slice through this veneer of insecurity and see the huffing and puffing for what it really is — posturing. Anger belies hurt, and hurt implies caring.
All Smoke, No Fire
In a post-breakup world words are easily uttered, and half baked promises (aimed primarily at keeping a foot in the door) are likely to be over-analyzed by a mind that wants to believe what it wants to believe. Because of this principle of pattern-seeking, a manipulative or indecisive ex can quite easily play their ex’s mind against them. In essence then, we become our own worst enemies (because of our tendency towards seeking comfort over truth).
As previously mentioned, consistency is a very good sign that our ex continues to think about us. But if they are also willing to invest in action, and not just words, our chances at reconciling grow exponentially. But both action and attention must be consistent, or we may well be falling prey to our own insecurity. Here are some examples of a typically consistent and attentive ex:
- They initiate contact. If they don’t they are nevertheless quick to reciprocate (even if the conversation itself was negative).
- They subtly keep abreast of the comings and goings of your life. If they don’t have access to you via mutual friends, they will nevertheless remain openly curious.
- They don’t shy away from talk of the past.
- They don’t shy away from talking about their feelings (again, even if they are negative).
- They are prideful, impulsive, resentful, angry or passive-aggressive (and often in turn then happy, joyful, energetic and inspired). In a word; unsettled.
All of these signs require a modicum of emotional energy and sacrifice, which speak far louder than a string of words ever will regarding how they actually feel. They care enough to act. Most of the time, however, action takes a backseat to fearful stagnancy.
Overcoming stagnancy (usually catalyzed by fear or rejection, guilt or pride) can be a difficult step — and frankly — most attempts at reconciliation wane and ultimately vanish in the strands of time as a result of this emotional impasse. But if your ex does not shy away from your attempts at upping the ante, the prospect of reconciliation is usually not just a figment of your insecurity, and it may be time to take one last leap of faith.