I’m always startled by your quintessential flirting dance. Caressing the thought of romance can make mice out of men, and men out of mice.
Breaking free of our comfort zones can make (us) men act in unpredictable ways. However, I do feel there are certain subconscious behaviors that the vast majority of men mimic when it comes to flirting.
This article will cover five proven signs that a man is vying for your romantic attention, and that his flirting is more than just a way to pass the time.
1. Target acquired.
The nature of the conversation is almost always a smokescreen for the dance of subconscious body language (which is doing the real talking).
Pay attention to where his interest lies by noticing where his body, primarily his torso, knees and feet are pointing. If you seem to be his north pole, you have his attention.
Does this mean he’s falling head over heels for you? Not necessarily, however you have his attention and interest. If you can think of more fertile terrain for fledgling romantic feelings let me know!
2. Am I not a man?
A man who’s out to impress will attempt to make the most of his masculinity. This is a primordial fall-back with genetic roots and will greatly depend upon how secure, modest and extroverted the guy is. However, some quintessential flirting signs include:
- Thumbs in pockets – Displaying the breadth of their chest and shoulders.
- Casual open body language – Displaying security, comfort and interest.
- They do their comedy stand-up – We all know humor is a great way to catalyze attraction. It is also a great way to minimize self-consciousness, beat stress and subtly pierce personal boundaries.
- Wide stance – Feet apart and hands at the waist. Another classic way make the most of our manly attributes (pictured right).
- Reversing his palms – If he’s showing a lot of “palm”, he’s trying to look less threatening and sincere.
If he is displaying a number of these signals then chances are he is out to prove. Nevertheless, bear in mind that some guys (this isn’t gender specific) are better at flirting naturally than others — and there’s no real way to tell what his intentions are.[alert-note]Some of us will flirt because we like the game, without necessarily wanting matters to escalate.[/alert-note]
If you want to separate the men from the boys, look how he acts with others. If there is a discrepancy between how he acts with you and with other people, chances are you’re able to give him a case of the jitters. In a good way.
3. It’s in the eyes.
While I wholeheartedly agree with Cher, first you have to get there. Eye contact is another facet of the attraction cube we can’t do without. Be on the lookout for sustained eye contact which is often punctuated by a smile. This is an especially powerful signal if you haven’t formally been introduced yet. In any case, consider it an open invitation for an exploratory chit-chat.
According to a study performed by Judy Dutton (author of How We Do It: How the Science of Sex Can Make You a Better Lover) it takes 13 flirtatious glances (on average) to clue your crush in to the fact that he has your permission to approach. So don’t despair if your bouts of flirting don’t seem to be working in the short-term. Rome wasn’t built in a day, and the majority of us guys are far more timid than we appear.
Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery. If flirting is going particularly well, you will begin to subtly copy each other. This is known in neuro-linguistic circles as mirroring.
The act of mirroring produces what is known as rapport, defined as:
A close and harmonious relationship in which the people or groups concerned understand each other’s feelings or ideas and communicate well.
It can be difficult to objectively see this process occur when it comes to our own bouts of flirting. The easiest way to tell if your interest is being reciprocated is to trust your gut feeling regarding how “in tune” you both are. Both in terms of your communication, and in terms of your body language.
If things seem to be going well, they usually are — at some level. Consider best friends and lovers, where rapport is unusually high. They will typically mirror each other greatly, their respective postures mirror-images of each other. This is above and beyond all else a subconscious display of trust, admiration and interest.
5. Touchy feely
A guy who likes to punctuate a phrase or a bout of carefree laughter with a simple touch is usually doing more than validating a point. He is usually upping the ante from the metaphysical to the distinctly physical. In layman’s terms; he’s attracted to you physically.
Yes, some men are more touchy-feely than others. However, even a barely noticeable caress of the upper arm is usually enough of a signal of interest to satisfy me. I would even venture that an interested, though mildly timid guy, will be extremely self-conscious with regards to breaking the touch barrier. And his attempts at making it physical will be indirect and fleeting. If his touches are reciprocated by you, he may feel more comfortable and gradually raise the stakes.
Images courtesy of David Castillo Dominici / FreeDigitalPhotos.net