How To Win A Girl Back

How To Win A Girl Back

Winning your ex girl back will involve a lot of discipline and reflection. Unlike the majority of quick-fix guides and commercial e-books that resort to temporary tricks and mind-games, this article will outline real steps that elicit real change and offer the best chance at long-lasting reconciliation.

If you’ve often heard about post-breakup concepts such as no contact and the grass is greener syndrome, but feel they are flighty and synthetic, you’ve come to right place. Instead, we’ll take an objective look at what needs to be done, and where your blood, sweat and tears should be directed in the following weeks and months to ensure that from here on out it’s a win-win scenario no matter what happens.

Free Yourself From Expectations

how to win a girl backIn order to build your self-worth, confidence and self-esteem, all of which are crucial factors in attraction, you will need to become emotionally self-reliant. In my opinion the only way to rapidly achieve this goal is to accept that a breakup has occurred and that it may well be terminal. Respect her decision by giving her the space and time she needs to draw her own existential conclusions and give her a chance to fully envision life without you. Attempting to bargain or chase her will only decrease her attraction for you and spur her to run away even faster (remember how the guy with roses constantly knocking on her door in the movies is always the one that is left single by the end?).In order to become the independent and attractive man you were, you will need to free yourself from all traces of co-dependency that traumatic breakups tend to litter the figurative floor with. The primary goal however, should not be of improving for the sake of your ex, but for your own sake. Never underestimate a woman’s ability in seeing through your thinly veiled attempts at showing her how much better you are now, the changes will need to be genuine.

  • Do remove her from your social networks (you do not want to second guess her every update!).
  • Do tell her why you are doing this, but be firm. If you are forced to accept her decision to call it quits, she must respect yours as well.
  • Do ask her to stop sending you crumbs. But leave the door open to talks about reconciliation (cut out all mixed signals).
  • Do instruct mutual friends to keep news about your ex to themselves.

By removing expectations and taking things at face value you will take power back into your own hands, and become master and commander of your own fate. The fantastic side-effect to this is that moving on also happens to be the best way to show your ex that you are strong and have value. It is a clear win-win scenario.

Forgive But Don’t Forget

They say that the pain ends when you forgive, and while there is, I find, a degree of wisdom to this live-and-let-live mantra, in order to make the right decisions with regards to reconciliation (or not) you will need to remind yourself why it went wrong the first time.

  • Make an honest list of mistakes you made, and why (did you take her for granted? Did you cheat on her?).
  • Make a list of things you did right (this is equally important).
  • Make a list of characteristics that you would love to see in a new relationship.
  • Make a list of things you would do without.
These exercises help us understand two things: Firstly, it helps shed the taint that trauma casts over our perception of how the relationship was. It can be all too easy to forget that despite “loving her” the break up is usually preceded by an unhappy stretch of time. It is also common to idolize the dumper and to assume they were close-to-perfect. Hopefully, these exercises can help the statue fall, so that the dumpee is better able to assess whether reconciliation is beneficial to them (objectively).

Swallow Your Anger

Anger is a natural precursor to acceptance, and can be beneficial in moving on when internalized. Unfortunately, while it is unavoidable, it is also very hard to not vent our frustration on the person who we think is being needlessly cruel and dismissive. Whatever the circumstances of the break up were, bear in mind that manifested anger will only:

  • Lead her to not want to talk to you.
  • Reinforce her decision to break up.
  • Confuse you and delay the healing process.
  • Jeopardize your existing social networks.

Some people tend to twist anger into revenge, leading to mind games and false bravado that will only serve to cast the chance of reconciliation even further afield (she will realize that your anger derives from need). Pain makes fools of us all, but by being the exception you will make a lasting impression.

Find Your Smile

Dealing with rejection after a relationship breakup will have made you stronger than ever before, if you were able to face the prospect of life without the person you love. Know that your value will have grown as well because of it. Now is the time to put yourself first again and improve every aspect of your life.

  • Improve your looks (makeover, fitness e.t.c). Exercise is a fantastic and proven way to beat stress as well.
  • Improve your social networks. Become whoever or whatever you want, and let no-one stand in your way.
  • Indulge your appetites, who’s judging? Take full advantage of singledom.

These a few examples of things which will definitely help you win a girl back — if there is a chance that she is still interested (she may not be, no matter what you do). An ex who isn’t sold on the idea of life without you will keep tabs, believe me. Resist the temptation to show her how happy and productive you now are — it will backfire and adios muchachos.


The trick to successful reconciliation, and not the temporary kind, is to make it an entirely new relationship. She will need to fall in love again, from scratch, with a new, stronger, faster, healthier and more productive you. The wonderful thing about finding your smile again is that it benefits you both. Using no contact and other stringent post-breakup tactics to starve your ex of affection and make her double-back out of pain is only a temporary fix, that offers nothing of value except additional distrust and pain.