Choo-choo! All aboard the pessimist express. Except this isn’t a train, and the destination isn’t lifelong fulfillment. It’s soul crushing despair (with a side order of peace).
You can leave your emotional baggage at the station, there’s plenty of over-analysis and introspection to pick up along the way. And if you can trust me about anything at all, you can trust me about that.
Leaving The Relationship Station
There’s no particular order here. It’s just a chaos of personal experience, pain and resentment. I’m sure you can relate.
- You’ve given up trying to communicate.
- He’s driven you past anger right into apathy.
- You’re out of energy and motivation when he’s around, but recharge immediately when he leaves.
- You love it when his friends come around because they drag him away for a few blessed hours. No, really, it’s fine Hun, have fun! G’bye!
- You have lost a terminal amount of respect for him as a human being.
- Additionally, you have lost a terminal amount of self-esteem for being his partner. Who the hell is I?
- His mouth moves but the words don’t connect with your brain.
- You’ve developed the hundred yard smile.
- Resentment and scorn are your Yin and Yang.
- This quote has you nodding internally like a Woodpecker.
The easiest way to teach someone how to treat you is to refuse to give them more opportunities to hurt you.
First Stop: Signs You Should Have Broken Up Yesterday
- You couldn’t care less about keeping up appearances, and the house looks like a whirlwind tore through it.
- You’ve give up on seeking depth and meaning in your conversations.
- Your sex life lacks imagination and is no longer a bonding tool.
- You realize you were running on fumes to begin with. Hormones will only carry you so far.
- Despite the perks of the relationship, the cost benefit analysis is overwhelmingly negative. It’s time to make a list.
- You have compromised far too much of your individuality. Most of what makes you tick has been negotiated away in an effort to make things work. This isn’t sustainable.
- You now have a habit of allowing your emotions trump your reason.
Love is unconditional. Relationships are not.
- He has a habit of exploiting your insecurities (despite knowing fully well what they are).
- Resolving arguments leaves a bad taste in your mouth.
- The term “relationship building” makes you want to punch a kitten.
Stop Two: Signs Your Falling Out Of Love
- He doesn’t respect or understand your needs.
- He accuses you of being a drama queen (only if you are trying to communicate something seriously and are not actually being dramatic).
- His relationship with the truth is tenuous at best.
- His kindness is conditional or he engages in overly tit-for-tat behavior. My personal opinion is this is unsustainable in the long run.
- Their persona is a lie. When we tell them they’ve changed, what we actually means is that their house of cards has crumbled.
- He has way too many lines you can’t cross. The end result is that you are basically emotionally (and sometimes physically) incarcerated.
- He scapegoats his responsibilities and projects his insecurity on you.
- He refuses to take ownership of his slice of the relationship pie.
- You are constantly forced to preface any argument with a Hollywoodesque monologue defending yourself.
- He insists on defining your role in the relationship. Men are x, Women are y (yea, no thanks).
Stop Three: Signals Of Imminent Separation
- He has an irritating habit of leveraging his self esteem by bringing you down. How lucky you are to have someone like him!
- He knowingly disrespects your boundaries in public.
- He seems oblivious to the fact that you have a life outside of the relationship. Warning bells should be substituted with an air raid siren here.
- Another quote for you to digest:
The sweetest part of being a couple is sharing your life with someone else. But my life, evidently, had not been good enough to share.
- You are made to feel more like a possession than a partner.
- You feel like you have to compete to be relevant.
- You are no longer a priority or are taken constantly for granted.
- The concept of “till death do us part” fills you with horror.
- When imperfections suddenly become deal breakers.
- When you no longer feel like sharing something meaningful with him, but would rather keep it to yourself.
Stop Four: All By Your Lonesome
- When a political debate actually starts mattering more than it should.
- When all your mutual acquaintances begin asking whether things are okay between you both. Absolutely! What makes you ask?
- It has to be said: If he cheats on you,
- If your idea of a good day is when nothing happens.
- If your friends start to preemptively take sides.
- He no longer really cares where you are, who you’re with or where you’re going.
- Your phone number feels more like an emergency hotline than a way to keep in touch. He’s calling, something’s wrong!
- Leo Tolstoy had a point:
We walked to meet each other up at the time of our love and then we have been irresistibly drifting in different directions, and there’s no altering that.
Leo Tolstoy, Anna Karenina
- He/you never initiate anything anymore.
- The future is measured in hours not years.
Stop Five: Why Bother Anymore, Am I Right?
- New experiences are less important than a drama-free routine. Hello anxiety my old friend.
- You could write a book about what possibilities your life would have without them.
- You feel more alone in his company than by yourself.
- Small things have a tendency to become big issues.
- Your music playlist reads like a breakup instruction manual. Do you believe in life after love?
- You find yourself reading a list of signs you should breakup with your boyfriend. Okay, okay, that was cheap of me.
- His opposition to trivial things is a given. I thought we were at least supposed to pretend to be a team.
- He knows best. Always and without exception.
- You have developed unhealthy habits as a way to channel the constant stress.
- Everyone is telling you to take it easy. You look tired!
Stop Six: Down The Rabbit Hole We Go
- Your performance at work takes a nosedive. And no, it isn’t unrelated.
- Your social networks are catching dust.
- You’re sick of having your life associated with his. So, what are you guys doing tonight?
- You are literally sick more often.
- Bouts of laughter usually precede bouts of tears as the reality of what could be sinks in.
- You seem to be the only one left defending the relationship.
- Your dog/cat hates him. Sounds stupid, I know, but has proven remarkably accurate (your pet will draw its clues from your body language, don’t discount this one).
- There’s a noticeable dip in personal hygiene across the board. That’s about as far as I’m going on that one, but it had to be said.
- You realize that your opinion of him wasn’t just wishful thinking (that’s unavoidable) but was a complete illusion.
- You were their rebound.
Stop Seven: Welcome To A New Reality
- Simply put: You’re bored.
- You’re only still in the relationship based on the hope that he will change. Can we really blame him for this one?
- You fundamentally no longer trust each other (and take steps to check).
I’m not upset that you lied to me, I’m upset that from now on I can’t believe you.
- Hate is too strong a word.
- Love is also too strong a word.
- Can we skip the arguing part and just go to sleep?
- The idea of solitude is not intrinsically negative.
- You don’t celebrate important relationship milestones or have many special moments.
- You (or him) engage in social media spying and monitoring.
- You keep a relationship scorecard.
Stop Eight: Body Language Blues
- Touchy feely? More like give me my space.
- You’re no longer mirroring each other.
- His body language is closed in your presence (feet pointing away, arms and legs crossed).
- Increased distance isn’t just a metaphor.
- Your gut feeling tells you it’s over.
- The question isn’t “should I break up with him” it’s “how do I break up with him”.
- The quality of your time alone is less important than the quantity.
- Coincidentally, he is spending a lot more time at work/alone as well.
- Positive moments together no longer bring you joy, they make you nostalgic.
- Do you remember when he actually used to laugh at your jokes?
Stop Nine: Final Stop
- Another quote for you to digest:
Life always waits for some crisis to occur before revealing itself at its most brilliant.
- You stop looking at a breakup as a crisis but as an opportunity instead.
- You start to have glimpses of what fulfillment meant to you before the relationship took over.
- Your hope for the relationship is rooted in nostalgia.
- You realize that the cost of holding on vastly outweighs the cost of letting go.
- You realize that what he gives you can be replaced.
- You put yourself first again (and promise to never lose sight of this — at least until next time).
- You realize that the breakup happened a long time ago, and this downward spiral is just a formality.