Welcome to my monstrously large list of signs your ex isn’t over you. I say probably because on a list that features no less than 100 signs, even those of us who have felt the whip of a fierce and terminal breakup will find something to keep the hope alive (which is never a healthy past-time).
If a majority of these signs have you nodding sullenly, then perhaps they really aren’t over you. Consider the list as a whole, but absolutely do not get caught up on one of two isolated points.
Now that my disclaimer is out of the way, on we go.
100 Signs They Aren’t Over It
1) They tell you they hate you.
2) They answer messages promptly.
3) They play hot and cold.
4) They swiftly enter a rebound relationship.
5) They make a show of letting you know how much better they’re doing.
6) The lines of communication remain open.
7) They tell you so.
8) Your mutual acquaintances are asking a few too many questions about the breakup for it to be a coincidence (someone pass me my tinfoil hat).
9) You bump into them all the time.
10) Drunk dials.
11) They block you off all social networks (watching a highlight reel of you moving on without them is painful).
12) They talk behind your back.
13) They attempt to embarrass you publicly.
14) They hang on to your stuff (it provides a future point of contact when you need it back).
15) There is a large discrepancy between how they act with you publicly and privately.
16) They make a show of how much they’ve improved themselves (oh hey, I work out *flex*)
17) Their attitude towards you seems to change daily.
18) They seek emotional validation from you.
19) They ask for your advice.
20) They conjure up bizarre and cryptic reasons to contact you. Your gut feeling should tell you it doesn’t make sense.
21) Your mutual acquaintances tell you so.
22) They’re uncharacteristically apologetic.
23) They seek to correct errors of the past (attempting to become who you wanted them to be).
25) They generally tend to overreact.
26) Their lifestyle changes abruptly and manically (once I was an introvert, but all of a sudden I’m a party animal — or vice-versa).
27) They show overt signs of stress (substance abuse, rapid weight change, anxiety).
28) They start a blog to chronicle their emotional pain (yes, that’s me.)
29) They spend a great deal of time with their family.
Trust your hunches. They’re usually based on facts filed away just below the conscious level.
Dr. Joyce Brothers
30) Your gut instinct tells you so (don’t underestimate it).
31) Their body language betrays them.
32) They seek to escalate contact from the impersonal (email) to the personal (face to face).
33) They attempt to control and manipulate your decisions.
34) They finger-point and indulge in guilt-games.
35) They attempt to make you angry (bad attention is better than no attention at all — it keeps you relevant).
36) Despite acting coldly, they do make themselves available.
37) They try and make you jealous.
38) They can’t be friends with you.
39) They tell you they’ve changed (despite only having been broken up a month).
40) They are bitter and condescending.
41) They get their kid, aunt, mother or family member to reach out to you. There’s nothing like a little emotional blackmail to delay both of your healing.
42) They’re in denial.
43) The whole breakup ordeal was either entirely your fault, or entirely theirs.
44) Their concentration and drive takes a hit (perhaps also adversely impacting their studies or job).
45) They let their ego do the talking.
46) Their fantastic new relationship lasted three weeks.
47) They tell you the only thing they’re willing to talk about is reconciliation.
48) They are unable to forgive themselves.
49) They say they are over it but desire closure.
Closure happens right after you accept that letting go and moving on is more important than projecting a fantasy of how the relationship could have been.
50) They know the date you broke up (especially if they’re counting the days).
51) They bring up inside jokes.
52) Everything reminds them of you.
53) They call you but don’t say a word.
54) They become serial daters.
55) You catch them staring.
56) They are unsettled and nervous when you are present.
57) They contact you out of the blue without rhyme or reason.
58) They remember the details.
59) They take the time to send you more than just a “happy birthday”.
60) They are touchy-feely.
61) They mirror your body language.
62) You chose to remain friends but talk of new flirts and romances unsettles them.
63) They act as if they don’t know you (careful with this one, take it at face value).
64) They still go to clubs and pubs you used to go to together (in the off-chance they might run into you).
65) They talk about meeting you again in the future.
66) They offer a friends with benefits scenario (I actually don’t think this is a sign they miss the relationship, au contraire, but included it by popular demand).
67) They use no contact as a way to get you back, and not as a way to detox and heal.
68) They automatically dislike your new crush, flirt or partner.
69) They engage in mild to aggressive episodes of stalking.
70) They appear to move on very quickly.
71) They spend an unusual amount of time to themselves away from the social spotlight.
72) They become globe-trotters.
73) They use their Facebook feed as a weapon.
74) An everyday chit-chat always ends up being about the relationship.
75) They move house (the surroundings have probably become a painful cemetery of memories).
76) They’ve been keeping up to date (or know more than they realistically should).
77) They engage in obsessive thinking.
78) They seek conflict.
79) They seem to be living in a loop rather than expanding and growing. Welcome to Groundhog Day.
80) That toothbrush they left at your house is still there (future point of contact).
81) They will prod the communication blackout with nonsense to see if you are still there.
82) They will have a plan, and it will be painfully obvious (it’s a way to restore hope and control).
83) Their attempts at no contact will fail miserably.
84) They will reinstate a new no contact rule after breaking the last one. Repeatedly.
85) They will over-analyze simple communication.
86) There will be a large discrepancy between how they talk and how they write (due to the lack of emotive control).
87) They will inform you of their plans.
88) They fail to adapt to their new circumstances.
89) They will answer their own questions (insecurity).
90) They will anticipate your questions (same as above).
91) They are being needlessly dense and secretive.
92) They respond positively to your attempts at humor.
93) Rapport is still present.
94) They make use of inside jokes to reconnect you emotionally.
95) They seem hellbent on isolating you in public despite being nervous or skittish.
96) Their body language is literally centered around you (check where their feet are pointing).
97) They seem relieved at your anger (it means you care after all).
98) They accept responsibility.
99) They encourage you to open up.
100) They read an article with 100 signs they might not be over it!