100 Warning Signs Your Ex Isn’t Over You

Dumper's Remorse
signs your ex isnt over you

Welcome to my monstrously large list of signs your ex isn’t over you. I say probably because on a list that features no less than 100 signs, even those of us who have felt the whip of a fierce and terminal breakup will find something to keep the hope alive (which is never a healthy past-time).

If a majority of these signs have you nodding sullenly, then perhaps they really aren’t over you. Consider the list as a whole, but absolutely do not get caught up on one of two isolated points.

Now that my disclaimer is out of the way, on we go.

100 Signs They Aren’t Over It

1) They tell you they hate you.

2) They answer messages promptly.

3) They play hot and cold.

4) They swiftly enter a rebound relationship.

5) They make a show of letting you know how much better they’re doing.

6) The lines of communication remain open.

7) They tell you so.

8) Your mutual acquaintances are asking a few too many questions about the breakup for it to be a coincidence (someone pass me my tinfoil hat).

9) You bump into them all the time.

10) Drunk dials.

11) They block you off all social networks (watching a highlight reel of you moving on without them is painful).

12) They talk behind your back.

13) They attempt to embarrass you publicly.

14) They hang on to your stuff (it provides a future point of contact when you need it back).

15) There is a large discrepancy between how they act with you publicly and privately.

16) They make a show of how much they’ve improved themselves (oh hey, I work out *flex*)

taken for granted

17) Their attitude towards you seems to change daily.

18) They seek emotional validation from you.

19) They ask for your advice.

20) They conjure up bizarre and cryptic reasons to contact you. Your gut feeling should tell you it doesn’t make sense.

21) Your mutual acquaintances tell you so.

22) They’re uncharacteristically apologetic.

23) They seek to correct errors of the past (attempting to become who you wanted them to be).

24) If you cut contact or block them they react impulsively, jealously or coldly.

25) They generally tend to overreact.

26) Their lifestyle changes abruptly and manically (once I was an introvert, but all of a sudden I’m a party animal — or vice-versa).

27) They show overt signs of stress (substance abuse, rapid weight change, anxiety).

28) They start a blog to chronicle their emotional pain (yes, that’s me.)

29) They spend a great deal of time with their family.

Trust your hunches. They’re usually based on facts filed away just below the conscious level.

Dr. Joyce Brothers

30) Your gut instinct tells you so (don’t underestimate it).

31) Their body language betrays them.

32) They seek to escalate contact from the impersonal (email) to the personal (face to face).

33) They attempt to control and manipulate your decisions.

34) They finger-point and indulge in guilt-games.

35) They attempt to make you angry (bad attention is better than no attention at all — it keeps you relevant).

36) Despite acting coldly, they do make themselves available.

37) They try and make you jealous.

social media jealousy

38) They can’t be friends with you.

39) They tell you they’ve changed (despite only having been broken up a month).

40) They are bitter and condescending.

41) They get their kid, aunt, mother or family member to reach out to you. There’s nothing like a little emotional blackmail to delay both of your healing.

42) They’re in denial.

43) The whole breakup ordeal was either entirely your fault, or entirely theirs.

44) Their concentration and drive takes a hit (perhaps also adversely impacting their studies or job).

45) They let their ego do the talking.

46) Their fantastic new relationship lasted three weeks.

breakup

47) They tell you the only thing they’re willing to talk about is reconciliation.

48) They are unable to forgive themselves.

49) They say they are over it but desire closure.

Closure happens right after you accept that letting go and moving on is more important than projecting a fantasy of how the relationship could have been.

Sylvester McNutt

50) They know the date you broke up (especially if they’re counting the days).

51) They bring up inside jokes.

52) Everything reminds them of you.

53) They call you but don’t say a word.

54) They become serial daters.

boyfriend ignoring girlfriend

55) You catch them staring.

56) They are unsettled and nervous when you are present.

57) They contact you out of the blue without rhyme or reason.

58) They remember the details.

59) They take the time to send you more than just a “happy birthday”.

60) They are touchy-feely.

61) They mirror your body language.

62) You chose to remain friends but talk of new flirts and romances unsettles them.

63) They act as if they don’t know you (careful with this one, take it at face value).

64) They still go to clubs and pubs you used to go to together (in the off-chance they might run into you).

65) They talk about meeting you again in the future.

66) They offer a friends with benefits scenario (I actually don’t think this is a sign they miss the relationship, au contraire, but included it by popular demand).

67) They use no contact as a way to get you back, and not as a way to detox and heal.

68) They automatically dislike your new crush, flirt or partner.

69) They engage in mild to aggressive episodes of stalking.

70) They appear to move on very quickly.

honeymoon car

71) They spend an unusual amount of time to themselves away from the social spotlight.

72) They become globe-trotters.

73) They use their Facebook feed as a weapon.

74) An everyday chit-chat always ends up being about the relationship.

75) They move house (the surroundings have probably become a painful cemetery of memories).

76) They’ve been keeping up to date (or know more than they realistically should).

77) They engage in obsessive thinking.

78) They seek conflict.

79) They seem to be living in a loop rather than expanding and growing. Welcome to Groundhog Day.

80) That toothbrush they left at your house is still there (future point of contact).

81) They will prod the communication blackout with nonsense to see if you are still there.

82) They will have a plan, and it will be painfully obvious (it’s a way to restore hope and control).

83) Their attempts at no contact will fail miserably.

84) They will reinstate a new no contact rule after breaking the last one. Repeatedly.

85) They will over-analyze simple communication.

86) There will be a large discrepancy between how they talk and how they write (due to the lack of emotive control).

87) They will inform you of their plans.

88) They fail to adapt to their new circumstances.

89) They will answer their own questions (insecurity).

90) They will anticipate your questions (same as above).

91) They are being needlessly dense and secretive.

92) They respond positively to your attempts at humor.

93) Rapport is still present.

94) They make use of inside jokes to reconnect you emotionally.

95) They seem hellbent on isolating you in public despite being nervous or skittish.

96) Their body language is literally centered around you (check where their feet are pointing).

97) They seem relieved at your anger (it means you care after all).

98) They accept responsibility.

99) They encourage you to open up.

100) They read an article with 100 signs they might not be over it!


James Nelmondo

James Nelmondo

James "the Unknown" Nelmondo is a self-styled relationship enthusiast, former infant, part-time dumper and full-time dumpee.


Comments

  1. I need advice… Previously I asked you about LC or NC. I took my situation to LC, and that only made him reach out to me further.
    He invited me to a movie last night with his best friend and I went. And he seems to be trying to be nice.
    Inspite of being broken up for a week, I have a feeling he’s dating a girl he was dating prior to me.
    My question is, is the sudden niceness guilt? And if he is dating her, why reach out to me?
    Confused…???

    1. It could be guilt, or it could be his way of keeping all his options open. The best I can do is guess, and given the situation that’s not a great option (since the waters are already muddled).

      I can’t help but feel that this is exactly what LC aims to prevent in the first place. Insecurity and doubt. He may be seeing his ex-ex, or he may not. He may want to reconcile, or he may not. There are too many what ifs for your own peace of mind. If he is unwilling to discuss his intentions I would i advise taking a step back from the situation. But that’s just me!

  2. help my ex bf (who is the dumper) has confused me -we saw each other and ended up talking for 4 hours- he complimented me several times on my looks – he seemed fidgety /nervous I figured it was bc it was the first time since the break up – any way ten minutes into talking he flat out asked me if I had a new boyfriend to which I honestly said no- he smiled and said o ok just wondering, then proceeded to inform me he didn’t have a gf either. my question is why did he want to know that ? I also noticed he still had the bear I gave him sitting in his backseat buckled into his car( the last time we were together before the breakup -it was in the trunk)after that he talked about trivial things family..etc its been 3 days and he hasn’t contacted me , what is goin on?

    1. He’s clearly interested (for whatever reason). Before diving head first into a reconciliation scenario (if that’s what you want) make sure the reason his interest is renewed is transparent. Sometimes exs can come back for all the wrong reasons; loneliness, guilt, difficulty moving on, a rebound, his other options collapsing e.t.c.

      The bear is a good sign, at the very least it demonstrates care. Regarding talking about trivialities, bear in mind that most of us are scared pandas when it comes to rejection. He may fear being rejected by you because he was the dumper.

      I wouldn’t overread the fact that three days have gone by, it isn’t a substantial amount of time unless he isn’t responding to contact. I very very rarely have a positive outlook regarding reconciliation scenarios on this blog, but in this case my gut tells me it may be insecurity that keeps you apart. But I would tip-toe forwards, and not look into it too much. There is a chance he got lonely and needed a measure of emotional validation.

    2. Hello thank you for answering me.i guess I should give a little more of a backstory. The breakup came outta nowhere. We never fought . And he had told me he loved me which is huge for him cus he doesn’t say it . When he broke up of course he was cold afterward which really hurt. I couldn’t grasp the factor was so easy for him to forget me. Anyway about two weeks passed he texted me asking I I had watched our fav show and since then has been sporradic contact from him. When I saw him like I said he seemed nervous or anxious . He asked me within fifteen mins if I had a boyfriend and smiled when I said no then he made the comment “o I figured u had a boyfriend” which I’m thinking to myself he broke up with me and knows I loved him . Like I said before he complimented my new hair cut and look about 4 times . He also told me he missed my brother who is 6 and my dad n mom . I guess I shouldn’t read in to every thing but I do still love him so much. It’s really difficult.he also told me he didn’t have anyone as far as girlfriend. There are a couple girls that want him(exes) but I dk what he is doing.–angel

    3. Well, it really does sound like he’s regretting his decision. Ultimately there’s only one way to know, I would advise biting the bullet and asking him whether he does directly.

      Over-analysis will only lead to resentment if he says he prefers the single life. You owe it to yourself not to be led on. Complimenting you physically is a little strange coming from an ex, as is discussing your romantic lives. Perhaps he misses intimacy but doesnt want to commit. Who knows?

      There’s only one way to find out!

    4. Thank you for your advice. I too thought it was strange for him to ask me if I had someone else at first I figured he was just making small talk or hoping I had moved on but then I noticed the stuffed bear in his back seat and compliments so it confused me. That’s why I needed some second input. I’m terrified of the answer I will get when I ask him even more scared of seeing someone new in my place. Ugh heartbreak sucks.:(

    5. Yes it does. But happiness is relative. Escaping this hell will make your everyday life paradise for a long time to come once you do move on!

  3. My ex has been acting weird towards me lately being nice, telling my mum to come to his checkout when i was with her, calling me by my nickname (kez) and he is friends with smitty.
    He has a gf but even looks at me while with her, its strange and i dont know why he does it?
    He has me blocked on facebook and one day my bf asked him if i can have a chat with him and he said he doesnt want to know me but in person its different so im very confused.

    1. Hey Kerrie,

      He may regret the fact that you’ve broken up, but may be afraid to tell you directly since you’re both now with someone else and may possibly fear rejection. It is far easier to try and convey interest with an intense look.

      Ultimately there’s no way to know without directly confronting him. It could mean everything and it could mean nothing.

  4. Hello “Unknown”
    The Love of my life and I have been together for 3.5 years.. we are very much in love and very happy with one another… However, between the middle of March and the end of April, he started to have some huge issues with his family, ( they have been going on for sometime, but in the time above, it all blew up, and it involved me, I had done nothing wrong, but we think its because his one family member is jealous of the relationship we have.. In the very beginning of May, he out of the blue left me, and the next day said,”we need to spend some time apart”…. we have texted here and there, but I have not physically seen him since that night.. he cant even call me…. I know in my heart that he is still in love and that he cant see or hear my voice, because it would make him melt…I was told by one person that is the only link between him and i right now that he is seeing someone, but dont react, ( that tells me that he wants me to react, and i hadnt) it also tells me that he told this person to tell me he is seeing someone and i know he isnt…. but here is my main question, he knows how much I love him, he knows how supportive i am.. of him( there was also HUGE, negative changes in his career, that i figured out myself, he couldnt even bring himself to tell me, and i found out after he left… ) and he also knows that he wont find someone as loving and supportive as i have been to him, as he has been for me…. what do u think?.. Thank u so much..

    1. Sorry about that Lost, for some reason if you put your Facebook profile link under the website field it adds the name. Due to the fact that we’d all understandably prefer to remain anonymous that feature has now been removed. Sorry!

      You are absolutely right in not reacting, not because that may (or may not) have been his intention, but because you don’t deserve to get caught up in his fallout of insecurity — you have your own introspective mountain to climb as well.

      I know you care about him, but he is not the victim here. If he is seeing someone this early after a breakup (I tend to take contact from mutual friends at face-value) it may be a rebound relationship, and once he does realize the grass isn’t greener he may regret his actions (again, no guarantees). The real question is this; how will this episode have impacted trust between you in the long-term?

      My advice is always to strip every form of analysis and guesswork from the equation. Eliminate the gray area and focus on the absolutes. He may or may not be seeing someone, he can’t or won’t contact you, his family and work-related stress may or may not have contributed to ending the relationship, and on. None of these internal debates will serve you well. Ultimately it is his actions and not his words that will dictate any chance of reconciliation. Focus on those.

      If his guilt, pride or stress have built a wall between you, only he can tear them down. And only once he has made sense of his own insecurities. If you were, as you say, a supportive and loving partner, time will work in your favor on all fronts.

      I know this isn’t what you wanted to hear, but I find that reducing relationship problems to their lowest common denominators helps in the long run. Beyond the trauma, what really kills our progress towards peace is false hope, and our innately human pattern seeking abilities (making sense out of chaos and attempting to find closure).

      My point is that there is really nothing you can do to unravel his introspective quagmire. You could attempt to open the lines of communication, but if he has taken for granted your support and love, it might only reinforce this tendency.

      Does that make any sense? Sometimes I confuse myself!

  5. What if an ex posts love images on facebook?
    You know the kind you find online.. A couple kissing in the sunset. Sometime with a romantic quote on it…

    Would that indicate she is not over me?

  6. Hey there Skyh,

    23 Signs would indicate to me that he’s still emotionally invested, which is natural if you previously had a meaningful relationship. Though being invested emotionally doesn’t necessarily guarantee he wants back, he may just be having difficulty moving on.

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