10 Promising Signs Your Ex Will Come Back To You

Separating reality from wishful thinking is notoriously difficult after a breakup. Are contact crumbs a sign your ex is thinking about coming back to you? Or are we letting our insecurity over-complicate the situation? In short, are we setting ourselves up for more rejection and pain?

Ultimately there are never any guarantees. But that doesn’t mean we can’t make an educated guess. The following ten behaviors sum up what I personally feel are good signs they are thinking about mending fences.

1. They bring up your history

An ex who brings up your history, even in anger, is subtly bringing you together in the present and letting you know that your communal treasure trove of memories is still very much at the forefront of their minds.

Does this mean reconciliation is on the menu? Not necessarily. But it does nevertheless signify that you continue to mean something, and that you still have a say in their lives.

An ex determined to find greener pastures will rarely, if ever, choose to bring you together in this way. They are far more likely to make their peace with the present, grit their teeth and plow forwards — away from the emotional house of cards.

2. They initiate contact

If all they are doing is answering your attempts at communication (that’s if they answer to begin with), things aren’t looking so hot. Words require little investment, and even less energy. Initiating contact is a way of acting on intent, rather than just being polite and playing along. By contacting you they are looking for something.

3. You can still make them smile

Being able to elicit a positive emotion in an ex is a good sign that they hold you in high regard. While this may simply mean that they hold no hard feelings, and that they still count you as a friend, most relationships do not end agreeably.

If you are coming out of the tail-end of a scarring breakup, an ex with whom you can now suddenly share a spot of levity is signalling that you now represent a positive emotional association. The greater the contrast from the resentment, anger, guilt and sadness of yesterday, to the positive today, the harder they are generally trying to mend the fences.

4. They ask for advice

Again, while there is no guarantee that asking for advice means that an ex misses you romantically, it is nevertheless a great sign that they trust, respect and admire you. Can you think of a better starting point for reconciliation? I can’t.

5. They react emotionally to your presence

If your presence noticeably unsettles your ex (yes, that includes negative emotions such as anger, resentment and guilt) they are still very much stuck in an emotional web.

Let me put it this way; if they couldn’t care less, you wouldn’t hear from them. Any kind of reaction is a sign they aren’t over you. As usual, this, in of itself, is not a surefire sign reconciliation is going to be attempted (they may never be able to override their broken pride, guilt or fear), but it does mean they still have strong feelings.

6. They play transparent mind-games

If your ex is driving you insane with thinly veiled mind games (usually revolving around making you insecure), bear in mind that it takes a lot of energy to keep these masquerades going. They would never take the time and energy to create these kinds of illusions unless they depended on baiting a reaction out of you.

If you are being progressively drained of energy it’s time to call their bluff and either go no contact or ask them what they want from you head on.

7. They escalate contact

Time is the most precious commodity we have, if you are being freely given your exs attention, remember that it is coming at the expense of other priorities they could be addressing.

But the frequency of contact (and whether it is initiated by them) is less important in terms of overall volume, than it is by its quality. If your ex ups the communication ante, from — say — email to webcam, they are signalling that they want more of you, and less of the frustrating grey area that indirect communication provides.

8. They don’t pull disappearing acts

An ex who periodically disappears, but then returns out of the blue (usually with ferocious intensity) will usually end up being insincere in their intent and driven by insecurity rather than genuine loss.

An ex who is unwavering and present demonstrates that they want you in their lives rather than needs you. Understandably, this may sound a little counter-intuitive. Surely needing is better than wanting?

Not in my book. The reason for this is simple. An ex who “needs” you back will find that once their emotional thirst has been quenched, that the underlying reason they needed to reconcile has now disappeared. In short, once their insecurity has lessened, the reasons why the breakup occurred will manifest themselves once again. An ex who wants you back (rather than needs) already has a far more objective and realistic outlook regarding reconciliation, and knows what they are getting themselves into.

9. Your gut instinct tells you so

I am a firm believer that our gut instincts are far more precise than advertised. While it is true that the mind will tend to believe whatever it is we wish to believe (confirmation bias), we are also built to read between the lines. One fine example of our subconscious ability to collect meaningful signs is reading non-verbal body language. If you get the chance to judge your ex’s body language, trust in your subconscious mind’s ability to decipher intent, but stop short of creating expectations out of thin air.

10. You heard it through the grapevine

Fear of rejection, pride and guilt can make it very difficult to brave direct communication. Instead, an ailing ex might try and reach out via a third party. If you are getting a substantial amount of chatter via mutual friends and acquaintances, it might be time to put on your tin foil hat and question how much of it is purely incidental.

21 Comments 10 Promising Signs Your Ex Will Come Back To You

  1. Sok

    Hello Unknown,

    I like your blog very much and i have read lots of posts.
    I would like to tell you my story and would appreciate very much your opinion. I will try to be short because sometimes i really can’t interpret other side behavior.

    I was in on and off relationship with a guy for almost 10 years. We loved each other a lot and tried very hard to make it real as we lived in different countries. We were very young when we met and were not ready to make that big step of leaving everything and starting new life. That step was on me and he was very supportive and patient for many years, but still we would be breaking up and then returning together. It was really strong love to support all those negative things. In the end he had proposed me and i have left everything to go to live with him in another country, but i was very indecisive and couldn’t make that final step to marry him and decide to stay there with him forever.I needed time. We were living together for 10 months, when i took trip back to my country to visit, but as we were passing though crisis, i have packed all my things in some attempt to see response from him about how much he wants me in his life. But his reaction was opposite…

    When i came back, we got fight and cut the contact. He had told me how he loves me but cant continue anymore, i had told him that its stupid to break up, bla bla..but i got very angry because it was the first time that he wanted to break up and my reaction on that was to cut contact with him. And he sent me one email, which was general email, without mentioning our break up, after couple of days, which i didn’t respond and after that silence. It lasted for 3 months when i saw on facebook, how he started dating one girl that was coming to our house when we were together like “his friend”..but that was behaving very strange towards me, because obviously she liked him since long and it seems that he wasn’t coldblooded. I was very shocked of him going publicly with that (it didn’t seem like him at all), and i got so hurt and disappointed and felt like big fool. We then met accidentally on the messenger and chatted and he didn’t mention anything about her and i wasn’t asking either, because it was such a hit on my ego. But after that contact, i started going insane, i started feeling real loss and my ego was hit with so fast replacement.

    Whenever we would meet online, we would end up fighting over our relationship, where he blamed me a lot for the end, then i blamed him. In the end, i asked him to call me to talk over phone (as we were in that moment being in different countries). We talked some minutes, about relationship, then it cuts off, he wrote me in text message, how he was in hurry and will call me back and he never did. This all happens in first 4 months of break up. We never insulted each other but there were many accusations and he was pretty harsh on me…lots of anger. From then i have decided to cut contact and not to connect on the messenger anymore.

    I was blaming myself a lot for the end, because i was indecisive so much and never made step and that he lost patience and i suffered so much. I realized how much i loved him and that i was making a mistake and i wanted to tell him that. First year of break up, we would have like “accident” contact on the messenger every 3-4 months. I was keeping myself away from messenger, there were no emails, no phone, nothing. The strange thing was that his best friend started communicating with me and he never did over messenger while we were in relationship. And me and my ex, when we would meet online…we would start like chatting normally and it would always end up in conversation about us, mutual blaming. I was heartbroken with deeply hurt ego with the fact that he was being with that girl and he didn’t want to get back to me and never really apologized for hurting me in such way. Maybe i deserved an end..but not that kind of the end.

    Finally, to put all doubts at rest, i had decided to swallow my pride and dignity and to tell him that i love him and that i want us to work things out for our future and to get back together. He had told me that he loved me too, but that we had many chances and that now he is with somebody else and it’s like that. I was so broken after that, but in some way, i had courage to put all speculations aside and under the cost of rejection i took risk. I faced all those fears, my self esteem went very down, but i knew that i did right thing. This happened almost 8 months after break up. After that we met one more time casually over messenger, he contacted me when i went online, we talked about life, i was very joyful and showing attitude how i started moving on, he asked me if i was happy, i said i was and i started showing attitude of acceptance. I have told him that if his happiness is being with that girl, it’s fine by me and he responded “what is happiness? you can’t be happy all the time”. Then after some hours, he melted and told me how he misses our days, how i am the top girl for him and when i will come back (jokingly). I got very happy days after, because i felt as if he wanted me back . I started connecting on messenger more often in hope to meet him ,but he wasn’t there ever. Then i realized one cruel fact. That he was just playing with me and not from bad intention, but it was just like that. That made me so angry and year after break up, i have decided to stop contact and to move on with my life. That was our last contact.

    In the first months of NC, it was very hard, and i was tempted many times to connect on messenger and like “accidentally” meet him, but i resisted. As the time went on it was easier to resist. From one part it hurt me that he wasn’t showing any direct sign of interest and it seemed that he was fine and i was still fighting with demons. But i was determined. and i was rebuilding my life and feeling much better. After 6 months of no contact i started noticing some strange signs on facebook, like his friend sending request for me to be friends (and i have erased my ex and all his friends), then some would ping me…then mutual acquaintance messaged me to ask me how i was…but i ignored.

    When his birthday arrived and it was 8 months after no contact, i have decided to congratulate him. I have accepted that he wants to continue his life without me and yet we don’t need to be enemies and plus, i wanted to put end to a story, for me..not for him. We talked very nicely to each other, about life, what we do, where we are and he had told me that he looked my Facebook account to see where i am and how he knows where i traveled. And i was very joyful, joking all the time, i really did the best to be relaxed and to seem relaxed. I wished him the best from my heart and how i think we shouldn’t be enemies and he had told me that i was correct in seeing him as enemy because he had behaved bad with me, how he was confused and angry and didn’t think clearly to think good about what he was doing and how sometimes he thinks that our breakup was for the best of both and sometimes he thinks that he made shit. I responded that people make mistakes and told him that i forgave him all mistakes and wished him the best. He had told me that he wouldn’t like that we lose contact and i have told him that he can contact me whenever he feels need. He also told me that i was and still am big part of his life. He didn’t ask me if i was with somebody, he didn’t mention his romantic state, nothing. Twenty days later it was my birthday and he congratulated and he talked again nicely, like two good old friends, we laughed, joked, talked about lives but again, he didn’t ask anything, neither he said anything about his life. We didn’t talk about our past relationship, but he joked in one moment telling me, how he thinks he is an idiot. And that was all. Since then passed 3 months and no contact. Recently i again received facebook request from his friend, which i ignored.

    I am pretty much confused. It’s not that i want him back. It has been two years and my life moved on a lot even though i am not with anybody. I never look his profile, i don’t have contact with anybody from there, i just don’t want to bother myself. Neither i wish to have contact with him. But sometimes i catch myself thinking…what does this all means, does he misses me or is he really happy moving on.

    In any case, i know that i wont make any step again. If he wants something he would need to try very hard at it. And if not, somebody else will arrive to my life eventually. I feel now that i am ready for new love and new healthy relationship.

    1. The Unknown

      Hello Sok, thanks for the compliments and your comment!

      I agree with you that I doubt he was intentionally playing with you, but rather was driven by insecurity. Chances are he was having trouble with the idea of you moving on, and so when it appeared that you had definitively left him behind, he did what he could to hinder that (again it’s usually a subconscious game aimed at bolstering fragile self-esteem). Once he realized that perhaps he did have a chance at reconciling, that particular insecurity was superficially healed, and he backed away — his ego satisfied.

      It’s a pretty typical scenario for any two people who really do/did love each other, but ultimately parted ways. Nobody wants the other to move on and trivialize the importance of what was shared — even if reconciliation may not be the end goal. The past relationship is important, and to see someone with whom we shared something so special leave it to rot can be devastating for the ego. The truth is, I usually find, that it isn’t that people stop to care, it’s that they are conditioned to believe that holding on to emotion is a “weakness” and so they camouflage and bury their hurt in order to protect themselves. When this happens, it ends up hurting the other person, catalyzing insecurity and complicated everything needlessly.

      But sometimes i catch myself thinking…what does this all means, does he misses me or is he really happy moving on.

      There is a reason you broke up, but there’s also a reason you fell in love — and the greatest myth about “moving on” is that you simply stop having feelings. If you really did love each other, to a certain extent, the fire will always be burning.

  2. Sok

    Hi Unknown,

    Wow, i can’t find enough words to thank you for reading my comment and giving your opinion. I am really impressed that you took your time to respond. And what a response, right to the center.

    I completely agree with your point. It was obviously difficult for my ex to move on, even though he was the one who decided to break up. I fully agree that the idea of me moving on hit him hard in one moment and he had to open up about his real feelings but in the next moment he backed up again and kept at safe distance. I also feel (when you talk about gut feelings) that he was afraid that too much closeness with me would bring him back too easily and he will be back again in the same story very soon, but this time he really wanted new life. In some way my decision to cut contact was to respect his decision. In that first year of contact he was pretty open about his feelings for me. He was telling me that he loves me, that he will always love me, that i am love of his life, but he reacted in angry way if i would ask him those questions. He would say “where do you want to arrive with those questions?”. It was obvious that he had too much anger. But everytime that i would connect, he would contact me. I tried to keep distance as well and wasn’t chasing him, but i couldn’t let go obviously. I was just playing the game it suited him.

    But after so many months of no contact, when i congratulated his birthday( some months ago), his attitude had changed a lot. He admitted mistakes instantly, there was no fight about it. He said he was very happy for me congratulating him, saying how he was sorry for hurting me and admitted that he is not sure if his decision to break up was so good. That he sometimes feels it’s the best for both, and sometimes that it’s complete mistake. I was very surprised by these confessions, because i really didn’t bring up the subject he just started saying on his own. But it was also so strange that he didn’t mention nothing of his life now. You know, if ex lovers keep friendly contact, first thing you would ask and say would be “hey, are you with somebody? did you got marry?”. No, we talked for hours about work, life in general, but he said nothing and neither did i.If he was happy and fine, why would he doubt his decision after so much time? And if he does it (which we can say it’s maybe normal when there was love) why does he want me to know that he was in doubt? I had feeling in those conversations that he was trying to take out from me some sort of reaction, but i completely restrained from reacting because i didn’t want same scenario.I didn’t want him to discover that i still am week. It would give him pleasure and he could freely move on just like he did now. I completely realize that at this phase, he will need to go further and further in order to receive some reaction and to discover more and more and i have felt that for our birthdays, it was some sort of start. If it’s not that, i really don’t see any reason, why you would bring out subject of some old relationship and leave so much space. Am i correct in assuming this?

    1. The Unknown

      I would separate the admittance that he made mistakes with the desire and will to want reconciliation (it may be an attempt at shedding guilt in order to move on, most of the time it isn’t about being forgiven by an ex, it’s forgiving ourselves that is the hard part).

      Sure, he may well flirt with the idea, and possibly even romanticize about you, but words are just that, words. I am always wary of deriving any expectation from these kinds of episodes — particularly when an ex is so quick to apologize. Call me cynical if you will :). The bottomline is that I personally find that keeping the ashes warm (without actually acting on it) is another way to ease existential insecurity because we potentially keep all our options open.

      I think you are correct in assuming that there is more than merely professional, amicable curiosity. But I also feel that is natural because of what you had, but not necessarily what is. Does that make sense?

  3. Sok

    Everything that you are saying makes lots of sense and i am really glad that you are responding and helping me to clarify situation.

    Of course that i agree that in the end of the way those are only words and not real intentions. But i also think that after so much time that passed without him knowing my feelings at moment neither my romantic state and if we assume for one minute that he really feels what he is saying that he regrets for hurting me and asks himself many times if he did the right thing with ending our relationship and knowing that getting back would take a very hard work from me to forgive him, i doubt that he would really in first conversation after so long time jump into “hey, i want to get back”. I would consider it without taste and i suppose that if i would be in his place, i would definitely try to take it easy, step by step. Just that i feel in this case that he didn’t maybe receive too good feedback from me and he stepped away, backing up, leaving things open again…in the air. I also think that at this point he is definitely (if we take as if words were true), dealing with lots of insecurity and is afraid probably to ask things directly. And keeping in mind that he obviously turned out to be very proud and ego driven person in some situations, who used tricks to boost his ego and self-esteem, any negative answer from me would be a new hit on his ego. This is just opinion not that i think that it’s the case.

    In any case, whatever are motives from the other side, i also find it strange to still have need to build your ego on old relationship or to have need at all to talk with ex partner about your feelings or internal fights and opinions. Makes me wonder what is the quality of life that you are experiencing if you are still doubting your decision? I always tend to measure or compare with what came after. In lots of ways i moved on a lot, but in another i know that i still think about old simply for the fact that i don’t have anybody special in my life new at this point. But i am sure that once i have and considering everything i doubt that i will ask myself “what if”. In that sense i completely disagree with “some flame will always exist”. If you find new real love, it won’t. You won’t have need to talk through the past, neither to play some mind game. Usually if some conversation would occur it would be very straight forward, direct and without any hidden motives.

    I always tend in my life to put thing black and white in the long run, and gray for some period. Because i think, love is like that. In the long run it is black or white. Either you love somebody or not. You can go through changes and phases and stages, and you can doubt your feelings and it’s perfectly normal for any couple, but when you draw the line if its not black and white and gray persists for long time, its not a good way to go.

    When my ex has told me that he wasn’t sure about his decision and how in the end there was nothing for US, and how WE will never know, it bothered me that he uses the word WE. We doesn’t exist. I bite my tongue hard not to react on that, but i replied him that after 2 years he should have more clear attitude on his decision and if he was not still sure about it, that he was going in a very wrong direction. And he replied “no, i am fine, BUT…” Whatever that but means i didn’t want to go further so i have changed the subject so something easy going. Because its my opinion. I understand that you can be confused and evaluating some time after break up, but 2 years after and with having (i am not sure if he still is with that girl, but probably) another relationship….you should be quite sure about if it was for the best or not. Or at least to keep that opinion for yourself and not even to bring out subject. What for?

    To conclude, in my own personal opinion, i think that we can question if his words are honest or not, but definitely he doesn’t have peace with his own mind if no matter what he still talks and opens about it.

    1. The Unknown

      As you say, love is not black and white, and is naturally a grey area. Again like you say, for our own peace of mind we must act as if it is a black or white issue. However, this does involve discipline and responsibility, and is certainly not a natural thing to do.

      Even when we know the breakup was for the best, there will be moments — even in the far future — where we may doubt our decision, or feel like their company. But we know it will pass, and so bite the bullet until it does. Unfortunately not everyone is able or willing to do this, and cannot suppress the impulsivity and rawness of their emotion. The only thing they know is what the need right now. The intention to reconcile here is genuine, but it is transitory because it is built not on desire, but on insecurity. And thus the moment their insecurity is eased (when the ex gives them what they need), so does the desire to reconcile.

      Like you alluded to, an ex who takes it slowly, bit-by-bit, is doing so respectfully and objectivity — not on an emotional whim, and so I find is far more believable.

  4. Sok

    And to add one more sentence. When you don’t have peace with your current life it will explode and come back to you, one way or another.

  5. Sok


    Thank you a lot for dedicating your time to me. It was really fantastic to read your opinions and one can learn a lot from you.

    I really find your blog impressive and i would like to participate in future with some of my opinions and experiences (and not only asking for personal advices) and comments on your posts. I hope that it is fine by you.

    One more time thanks a lot and i wish you all the best!

  6. Sang

    Hi Unknown,

    Thank you for your articles. They help me feel better. Am also happy to see that you actually take time to respond to your readers’ comments. I wonder if you could give me some advice.. Would really appreciate it.

    My bf of almost 8 years broke up with me a month a go. The breakup came to me as a surprise because I thought we were OK even up until the day that he told me that he was no longer happy. We had small fights in July and August but they weren’t anything serious. But unfortunately, it was slowly taking a toll on him. He said he tried many times to convey how he truly felt and at some points he did tell me directly, but I was just too naive or insensitive to act on the issues.

    He’s the nicest and most patient guy for me. We’ve also become best friends. We were really close and rarely had fights. Never had I thought that what we had would be lost all of a sudden.

    During the first 3 weeks (post breakup) I tried everything to get him back. I begged, pleaded, gave him a gift and just showed him how much he meant to me. Apparently, based on online articles, I shouldn’t have done all those things. @[email protected] I went to his place last week and gave him a letter saying that I’m finally letting go of the realtionship since I could tell that he had been wanting to move on..

    He replied to my letter on the same day via email and he just wrote things that he liked about me (contrary to what I said to him that there isnt much to like about me).
    He said that he will always be my bestfriend, and I still have his attention, but without the love factor. He said he was sorry for wasting my time because we didn’t end up together.

    After sending the email he texted me that he had a lot more to add to the list (good things about me), but I replied that it was fine already and that I only felt more pain and sadness when he was saying nice things to me. He replied with, “ok, please take care of yourself”. That was his last text message to which I no longer replied.

    Have been on NC for a week now to heal myself and to give him space. There are some days when I feel the urge of asking how he was doing. I feel really lonely right now and still sad. I miss him so bad and do not know what to do. :( We’ve been really good friends as mentioned so I don’t know if I should continue going on NC (and for how long) or if I should try limited contact instead.

    Any advice re my case would be much appreciated…

    1. The Unknown

      Hey Sang!

      I’m glad I could be of use — and thank you for saying it. I wouldn’t stress over the begging and pleading, it’s far too easy to be objective on “paper”. When trauma strikes, we all commit foul-ups. While they can have the effect of suffocating the dumper in the short-term. In the long-term they are of no consequence (they may even improve your chances down the line because if your ex ever emotionally wavers, he will remember that at the very least, you actively fought for him).

      Regardless, and forgive my brutality, but I don’t feel particularly confident regarding the chance of reconciliation in the near future. While you do have his attention (which, given your lengthy relationship and friendship seems entirely natural outside of a romantic context), his decision does not seem an impulsive one, and he will almost certainly have weighed the pros and cons of attempting to move on before having done so.

      But there is no substitute to the whiplash of real separation, and there’s really no telling where his feelings will take him from here on out (nobody can accurately simulate how they will feel post-breakup). Unfortunately, this isn’t something we should allow to give us hope, because there’s a good chance it might never be enough — or that if it does happen — he might never communicate it.

      If the thought of going NC terrifies you, don’t do it. It will only backfire. It should only really be attempted once the desire to move on is greater than the desire to reconcile (objectively if not subjectively). And after only a short month (after such a long relationship), limited contact sounds like a far better option, both with regards to healing, and with regards to potentially talking about getting back together. I’d personally limit contact to about once a week.

      I’m sorry to bear the tidings of what seems like bad news, but I feel that I should communicate what I feel is true, rather than comfortable (and do bear in mind that, as always, it remains an opinion and could be entirely wrong!).

      Best of luck!

  7. Sang

    Hi Unknown,

    Thank you so much for your advice. I really needed that as I have been very confused. After me going on NC for 1week, he initiated contact/messaged me when he saw me online on Facebook yesterday. It’s the short “hi, how are you. hope you’re doing ok” message. I didn’t reply right away and kept my response short. I just said, “I was in a meeting, [his name].. I’m doing my best. Take care.” (offline message)

    I wanted to say a lot of things because I miss him so much, but knew I had to resist. I’m still weak. I know that if I start talking normal to him I’ll be hopeful again and that I might just get hurt/disappointed. :(

    He replied (offline message) with: “alright” plus informed me about their company activity happening 2 weeks from now. He seems to want to talk more. otherwise he wouldnt have opened a new topic (?). I don’t know now how to respond. I don’t want to cut the conversation but perhaps it would be best if I just respond with, “sounds great. have fun! :)”

    My guy friend who was also once a dumpee advised that I should inform my ex to stop contacting me for a while because I need to heal. I wouldn’t be able to if we continue contact. But I’d like to take your advice and how I truly feel. I might just opt for LC… + limited to no expectations. I guess it’s up to me really. If I feel that I couldn’t handle it, I’ll retry NC.

    Unknown, know what? You should get an award. You’re like a hero or an angel to people like me who badly need someone to talk to. I can’t imagine how you are able read all comments/long stories and respond to each. From the bottom of my heart, Thank You! :)

    1. The Unknown

      Hey hey,

      Sorry, missed the comment completely or I would have answered earlier (I was working on the new forum). I agree with your assessment, I would personally opt for LC, and your answer seems like your best bet — positive enough to not burn the bridges and make him comfortable enough to reach out, but resisting a grey-area comfort zone where you risk being used in order to make it easier for him to move on (at your expense).

      It’s a balancing act. You need your certainties in order to heal (no necessarily silence), but pushing it too far can make reconciliation impossible.

      Thanks for the compliments! It isn’t all that much work I assure you, and its something I fundamentally enjoy! You’re absolutely welcome.

  8. Sang

    Hi Unknown,

    Just an update..

    Limited contact didn’t work quite well, mainly because I couldn’t control myself.

    I learned yesterday that he’s talking to and seeing someone else already. He confirmed it but said that it’s not what I think it is.

    I love him so much and just the thought of another woman in his life breaks my heart. I can’t explain exaclty how I’m feeling right now. I suddenly lost all my hope of having him back. :(


    1. The Unknown


      Sorry to hear it Sang. Sadly, it happens a lot and I really do know how you are feeling. As painful as it is you’re better off knowing than holding onto an illusory hope. I still wouldn’t burn my bridges, but I would let it go. It’s a small world, and you never know how things will pan out!

      All the best!

  9. J

    i like your articles, but sadly i don’t think enough advice in the world can help me w/ my situation. good website though.

  10. Anonymous

    hi, my and my boyfriend broke up 3 months ago now, we had a pretty rough year of lots of downs really and then through an accusation his knee jerk reaction was to end it, he then a few weeks later tried to make contact however I flipped out, said I wasn’t prepared to talk and so he backed off, after a 2 months of little contact he messaged me starting a conversation and then once I didn reply (after conversation had finished) he then messaged me again saying he missed me, the next week I was out with friends and he turned up with his friends (full well knowing id be there) all his friends acted as if my bestfriend and talked to me asking ‘whats going on with you two’ and he was very giddy all night around me and slightly nervous, he then stayed at mine (no sexual contact) other than he kissed me and he spend the night hugging me and pulling me tight, kissing me on the forehead and obsessed with touching me, and we went for breakfast, after a few days he messaged me and carried the conversation on for 3 days, my friends decided to call him (which I didn know) saying to him sort it out etc. he said we will see what happens but has since then made little contact……
    advice pleaseeeee!

    1. James Nelmondo

      Hey there, thanks for swinging by,

      Are you not initiating contact because you feel he owes that to you because he ended the relationship? I’m not judging, just trying to clarify.

      I say this because we all know where “we will see what happens” leads. It leads nowhere unless someone is willing to be vulnerable. Perhaps it isn’t right for you to take this risk since he was the one to break up with you. Unfortunately, our feelings aren’t fair.

      The only reason you spent some time together was because you happened to bump into each other (or not, depending on how “coincidental” this really was). If you hadn’t, you might well be certain it was over for good. Unfortunately this shows what time apart can do, even if you both have feelings.

      I guess what I’m trying to say is don’t let time or life passively sort things out, the odds are stacked against reconciliation (because security is more important). If you want any kind of answer you are going to have to risk getting a straight answer, and that means taking a small step forward and seeing if he’s willing to walk with you.

  11. Anonymous

    hi thank you so much for the quick reply!
    yess I have been quite closed off to the idea of ‘putting the effort in’ or making any contact because I have felt it is for him to do, however I guess once he had I should have been more open to the idea.

    I have taken the risk to ask him if he wanted to meet up for a chat, just to see where we are both at and hopefully just start taking small steps but actually take them whilst knowing if that’s towards being friends, or if we are potentially looking for something to happen again in the long run. he has said yess to meeting up and again initiated some conversation

    1. James Nelmondo

      Sounds like a good start, meeting up for a chat should give you a better idea of what’s going on (reading his body language). I’d keep it pretty casual and take my time, so as to be sure this isn’t just him needing affection or intimacy, but actually about working together towards reconciling.

      Best of luck!

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