There are two ways of looking at everything, and every curse is a blessing in disguise (in some ways). Instead of focusing on what you’ve lost, it’s time to smile and think of everything you stand to gain. What better way to beginning you new life away from an addictive relationship than by grabbing it by the cojones and improving it dramatically? Without further a-do I bring you ten surefire reasons you’re better off single.
10. Who’s Judging?
Wouldn’t it be nice to lose control and do whatever you want, just because you can? Being single means the only person judging your romantic aspirations, conquests and midnight revelry is you. This, of course, expands well past the romantic into almost every area of your life. But you still may have your friends and family’s judgement to contend with there.
9. Tabula Rasa
Believe it or not (if you have recently broken up you won’t see it this way quite yet) building a new life, history and image is really fun when you get into the swing of things. You may catch yourself saying, “I have to go through all that again? ” But think of it this way; wasn’t it fun the last time around? They don’t call them the rosy, hazy glory days of a relationship for nothing, and what on this good earth makes you think the next time will be any less enthralling? It won’t!
8. A foundation of happiness
Space and time between a failed relationship and another is absolutely essential in that it teaches the dumper or dumpee the value of finding happiness by themselves, on their own terms. Often, insecurity and fear will send a couple into a spiral of co-dependency that makes happiness something they both believe is inextricably tied to their significant other. Habit and routine can sometimes camouflage the fact that they are simply no longer happy, but sometimes someone will get dumped — sculpting this co-dependency even further into the mind of the dumpee, causing anguish and torment.
The key here is that happiness can and should be generated and sustained individually. You cannot depend on anyone or anything to make you happy, and being single is an amazing detox with regards to become a self-propagating fountain of energy. Once the natural emotional wear and tear of the relationship has begun to flake off, dumpees are amazed at how much they had swallowed, and for how long!
7. Everything’s cheap all of a sudden
This may be a questionable point, but in my case it always crops up when I am single again. I begin to realize how much of a financial drain a relationship can be, routine is expensive! I’m sure you all know of those incessant spending vortexes that elicited little enthusiasm, but you just had to spend anyway (the so-called lose-lose scenario), didn’t you? Time to crack a smile and reallocate a part of your new-found savings on that super-sized pizza they sell next door.
6. Talk to the hand
Simply put, you simply don’t have to deal with it anymore. If you’ve recently broken up you can begin to take full advantage of the grace period that is the accepted norm. Friends and family will be hard pressed to dump their stress on you (how rude), since you quite obviously have your hands full. For the next few months you can get away with murder (figuratively) and people who would otherwise skin you alive for being irresponsible, will simply nod and blame it on the trauma.
Chances are you deserve a break, cut yourself some slack, and fry me a slice while you’re at it.
5. Keep an open mind
Just because you’re single, doesn’t mean you have to sleep alone or not get huggled for days while watching your favorite film. Catch my drift? Do not make the mistake of feeling that everything you loved about a stable relationship is exclusive; some things are, but certainly not all.
If that isn’t your idea of fun, it may be time to expand your horizons (refer to point 10 — or alternatively forget I ever mentioned it!).
4. Having it both ways
So far, we’ve mentioned how eminently healthy and proactive being single can be. But don’t forget it’s also the perfect time to indulge in all those closet-hobbies and passions you were previously shut-out from. While I do strongly urge away from excess (I mean it), packing on a few pounds or losing a few shades of your tan along the way to recovery are not the end of the world if you’re having a great time doing it. This, along with the previously mentioned points, are the golden pathway to shaking off feelings of guilt and low esteem. Indulging without being judged for it is a fantastic way of reminding yourself who’s in charge. Never forget it!
3. Something amazing this way comes
If your ex loved you and treated you with respect they were special. But bear this in mind, millions upon millions of people are suffering all over the world because they believe “the one” got away. Statistically speaking then, how rare is it? There’s a lot of very special people who are cut loose and heading your way, at any give moment in time. Your trek through emotional hell will teach you important things about yourself and how you operate, use these lessons to craft yourself into a big and better you. In doing so you will have increased your value, both to yourself and potentially in view of your future choice of partner(s) as well.
There is every chance, and I do mean it, that your next partner will have you slapping your thighs in stunned and ecstatic disbelief. Whether you can subjectively admit this or not (I sometimes can’t) relationships that end, had a reason and a cause for doing so. Even if they may have been salvageable it ended in an often lopsided imbalance. Starting a fresh new relationship is the ultimate consensual cure-all for your self-esteem (because you’ll know they’re into you if they say yes!). Here endeth insecurity.
If you feel like you’ll never meet someone quite as amazing as your ex, well, feel free to buy me a beer when I’m right. Who needs advertising? I’d make a killing that way.
2. Anywhere, anytime…
Being single has never been as hip as it is today. In fact, I’ve lost count of the amount of cruises, bars, clubs, events and wishy-washy fun stuff is aimed exclusively at single people (yes, I’m single too). Whether you realize it or not, you’ve just been given a vibrant new key to the city — one that only a single person can open. Enjoy every second of it, because it probably won’t last. For the record, this isn’t a sign of me running out of ideas or a glorious self-pat on the back to cheer myself up, being a couple nowadays can be quite limitative when it comes to experiencing a healthy dose of fashionable gritty urbanity.
Case in point? After this article feel free to search for local publications for singles in your area, you’ll find one. Network, network, network.
1. Privacy – And why I’m sure I’m better off single
This time around, you can shut that door and know you’re going to be alone. You can spend your free time dozing on and off and walking naked around the house, if you so chose. Dumpees are often so scared of being alone (a breakup will usually trigger our innate childhood fear of abandonment) that they often forget the value of having a personal sanctuary. Learn how beneficial your personal oubliette really is, a place without lidless eyes and a rotating saloon door. Nobody else need have the key, and complete and total relax is completed simply by turning off your cell-phone and dimming the lights.
You will sleep more profoundly than you ever have, re-energize more rapidly than you ever will and in the silence of your sanctuary you will fall in love with yourself again and finally be at peace. I’ll drink to that!
Images courtesy of David Castillo Dominici / FreeDigitalPhotos.net