How Unhealthy Is My Relationship? (Quiz)

Do you ever wonder whether the blood, sweat and tears you’ve poured into making your relationship work are worth the ongoing cost?

Is your relationship toxic?

Or are things polluted but, despite the noxious fumes and energy-sapping swamps, still fixable?

This quiz is a quick way of finding out what I think your relationship has turned into.

How Unhealthy Is Your Relationship?


How Unhealthy Is Your Relationship?

Question 1 of 10.

Do you feel you are often manipulated into feelings of anger or guilt?

1. I constantly feel like I'm doing something wrong even if I am not openly accused of it.
2. Almost everything I do is met openly with hostility.
3. Sometimes. But it seems more the result of stress than an attempt to bring me down.
4. Almost never. My partner and I are able to communicate effectively without the mind games.
Question 2 of 10.

Which of these pictures best illustrates your current feelings about the relationship?

How Unhealthy Is My Relationship? (Quiz) 1
How Unhealthy Is My Relationship? (Quiz) 2
How Unhealthy Is My Relationship? (Quiz) 3
How Unhealthy Is My Relationship? (Quiz) 4
Question 3 of 10.

How is your relationship affecting your life as an individual?

1. The relationship has drained me of the energy and time to indulge aspects of my life that I previously enjoyed.
2. The balance between my private life and public life remains relatively unchanged. I remain active.
3. The relationship has energized all aspects of my life, including a new drive outside of the relationship itself.
4. I have sacrificed just about everything I used to enjoy to make the relationship work. I am the shell of what I once was.
Question 4 of 10.

When a problem arises, how do you typically deal with it?

1. I tend to avoid conflict and confrontation and swallow my indignation.
2. We argue about it but usually find a compromise down the line.
3. We argue without communicating effectively and the resentment builds.
Question 5 of 10.

How addictive is your relationship?

1. I no longer feel that I exist as an individual outside of the relationship.
2. I think we do a good job of balancing our common wants and individual needs.
3. The relationship brings me down constantly but the thought of breaking up terrifies me.
4. When we notice there are traces of addiction or dependence we try and deal with them as well as we can.
Question 6 of 10.

Have there been episodes of violence or the threat of violence?

1. No. And I can't imagine it ever happening.
2. No. But I can see how it could happen.
3. Yes.
Question 7 of 10.

Do you feel your personal boundaries are respected?

1. Yes. My partner is considerate of my needs and makes sure to check from time to time.
2. Yes. But I have to assert them now and again.
3. No, but not on purpose. I just don't think my partner understands my needs.
4. No. My partner seems to go out of their way to purposefully crush them.
Question 8 of 10.

Are you able to say "no" when you need to?

1. I no longer care enough to risk confrontation and provoke drama.
2. Only about things that really, really matter.
3. I have no problem letting my partner know where things stand.
Question 9 of 10.

If one of you is feeling down...

1. One person's problems quickly become a burden for both.
2. It feels like small, unrelated problems generate bigger problems because of poor communication or misinterpretation.
3. My partner is great at helping me through rough patches.
4. I rarely mention my issues because it has a tendency to bring us both down.
Question 10 of 10.

Are you ever purposefully shamed, belittled or humiliated?

1. The relationship has taken a toll on my self-esteem and self-confidence.
2. Yes. But never with the intent to hurt me.
3. No.

Next question 1 of 10

All 10 questions completed!


How Unhealthy Is Your Relationship?

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What Now?

This quiz is not designed to tell you what I think you should do about your situation. It is merely a quick way of summarizing where I think you stand.

If you want to know more about dealing with and fixing toxic relationships, please refer to my in-depth guide below.