This article isn’t simply an exercise in looking on the “bright side” of an otherwise traumatic breakup by piling on our metaphorical make-up in an attempt to conceal the pain. Learning how to unconditionally accept a breakup is one of one the most rewarding experiences with regards to long term character forming and growth.
In this article I will do my best to offer a highly subjective opinion on why I am convinced that learning how to lose is immensely useful, and dare I say it, an occasional necessity.
Acceptance breeds strength
Breaking up, precisely because of how traumatic it inherently is, is usually accompanied by hitting rock-bottom. Our self-confidence shrinks, our self-esteem plummets and our world becomes a world of shades rather than color.
What we’ve lost, we cannot fight, we cannot immediately replace, and are thus left confused and prey to oncoming waves of insecurity and confusion. Usually leading to poor emotional decisions and further compounding our stress and sense of self.
There is, however, a very poignant upside to all this — even though it can feel destructive and senselessly painful in the present. We are confronting deep-seated fears.
A traumatic breakup can help shine a light on facets of our nature that we never knew existed, or suppressed, allowing us to confront them objectively. Once we are left naked and exposed we can begin to address introspective sources of insecurity and pain, whether real or imagined (differentiating between the two can grant an enormous sense of relief). If all we are left with in our present is a wall of insecurity and grief, sooner or later we’re going to claw our way through it. And when we do — we indubitably become a stronger, wiser, and more productive version of who we were to begin with.
Change our of choosing
Allowing ourselves to undergo a period of emotional detox is useful in that it allows us to see the difference between perceived wants and needs. Once dependency has been replaced by the deep-seated realization that we are, at our core, wholly emotionally self-sufficient, our present and future once again are ours to control and guide. As William Ernest Henley eloquently puts it:
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.
Breakup pain is a paramount experience when it comes to reminding us that, ultimately, the ideal and love we had was something we desired — but certainly did not need. And that at any given moment in our lives we are capable of ploughing through rejection.
[alert-note]If we can accept loss, the fear of abandonment that lurks in our collective human psyche becomes far less threatening in the future. Allowing us to seek new horizons without a baggage-train of insecurity which might threaten future relationships.[/alert-note]
Once this is firmly understood and incorporated within the both subjective and objective tribunals of our own mind, change becomes empowering and an opportunity to seek greener pastures — and not an oubliette of pain that leaves us stranded in an unending sea with no land in sight.
Re-acquainting and re-discovering
Becoming trapped within a downward spiral can blind us to the fact that our lives are more than a romantic bubble. Breakups can be a great way to kickstart the healing of not only our hearts and minds, but also ailing friendships and family connections. Not only does dusting off our weathered social circle allow us to fill the void of love and affection, it also helps propel us into the future by allowing us to keep moving and contextualize the severity of the breakup.
If you find yourself effectively socially adrift, then it is a great time to begin to mend or create new connections. Due to the pain and grief of a breakup, it is important not just to fixate on what was lost, but to shift our perspective to what we stand to gain. In the end, once time has coaxed trauma, there is every chance you will consider the breakup a blessing in disguise.
Images courtesy of Marin / FreeDigitalPhotos.net