One minute you’re wading through a torrent of half-baked promises, flirtatious innuendos and emojis and the next…
Well — the next he’s gone. Poof. Just like that.
Did you scare him off? Did he meet someone else? Is he unwell? Was it something you said?
Despite the abrupt ending to your communication, an examination of your history will tend to throw up some clues. The subtle breed of clues that we tend to gloss over the first time around.
Typical Reasons He Stopped Texting You
Let’s start by looking at a handful of reasons a texting routine tends to die off abruptly. Once we’re established a realistic field of options we can then apply your particular context to narrow our search for the culprit.
He Isn’t Making The Headway He Wants
Most of the time the chit-chat is just a smokescreen for what lies beneath. Hidden behind his mixed messages and crumbs is a semi-open invitation to something (a long term relationship, sex, e.t.c).
That’s the flirting game in a nutshell. Exposing intention without really stating interest directly. The most obvious and common way of doing this is by giving someone our time (your texting routine).
If the texting stops abruptly, especially if this is a dating scenario, then perhaps he believes his efforts aren’t getting him anywhere.
Intense, long-term texting isn’t generally a sustainable enterprise and is usually just the result of one or two people pushing for an outcome without openly stating their intentions. But this dance has an expiry date. Eventually, there is a chance that things stop “progressing” and someone will pull the plug on the whole thing.
Clues this may be the case:
- Your communication was flirtatious in nature. Lots of fluff but not much substance.
- He made references to doing or planning things but never got round to actually proposing them.
- His communication often left you confused about his intentions (mixed signals).
He Is Playing Mind Games
Silence is a powerful weapon. If his texting isn’t getting him the outcomes he desires in a direct and honest way, there is a chance he might try to manufacture “demand” by reducing “supply”.
After all, pulling a disappearing act is bound to make you think about him one way or the other. And he we are.
The problem is that these games never work the way we intend because it turns out that triggering someone’s insecurity in order to arouse interest usually just ends up angering everyone involved.
Is a game being played here? Is the goal making you more amenable to his charms or forcing you to up the ante because he is unwilling or unable to do so?
Clues this may be the case:
- He doesn’t initiate but is quick to respond to your attempts at contact.
- He is active and visible on social media (it’s been quite the highlight reel lately).
- He plays it hot and cold.
- He gives you just enough to remind you he’s still there.
He Found Another Outlet For His Texting Adventures
If the texting saga was going around in circles, there’s a chance that in the meantime he found someone more receptive to his text message dancing routine.
At this point, I’m sure many of you will call me superficial or crass. Am I really saying that all that communication wasn’t enjoyable “as is” and was just a means to an end?
Yes and no. It depends on the context.
If this is a dating scenario then it is entirely possible that it was all a bit of an act aimed at creating rapport rather than a genuine attempt at building a long term friendship. If you were friends, and you are sure he wasn’t pushing for more than that, then there are obviously other reasons that need to be considered.
Sometimes life just comes knocking and other things take precedence.
Clues this might be the case:
- His attention and communication faltered and became sporadic prior to dropping off the radar completely.
- He had started making excuses (guilty conscience).
- He is still socially active despite not texting you.
Something Wicked This Way Comes
Sometimes life just gets in the way. However, I find this unlikely in this scenario because we’re talking about someone who has stopped texting you. These aren’t the actions of someone who is distracted by something, it is the reflection of someone who has turned away.
If something has come up that has divided his attention, it shouldn’t stop him from reaching out and telling you that something is up. So, either something serious is happening, or, if you ask me, it is more likely he has found other things to occupy his time with.
If instead of abruptly stopping he is just texting you less, then the chance that it’s just a case of life being its belligerent self becomes more probable. After all, sending a text takes all of a few seconds of our time.
Clues this might be the case:
- A death in the family.
- A prolonged hospital stay.
What To Do If He Stops Texting You
It depends on your intentions. What do you want to happen?
To risk pointing out the obvious, if you just want to understand why he disappeared then the simplest way is simply to ask. A stylish “What’s up?” should suffice.
If you have already tried, and he has not replied, and you are sure he got the message, then bear in mind that silence is an answer!
Other solutions will depend on what scenario you find to be most likely.
If it is a case of him losing interest with a flirting stalemate, then initiating a conversation where you push things in the direction he seemed to want to go might work.
For instance, if he seemed to be on the verge of asking you out on a date that never quite materialized, then you could try organizing one yourself and seeing if this reignites his interest. Skip the grey area and mixed messages. The question here is whether or not it is right for you to initiate in the face of his disappearing act, but that is obviously up to you.