Strong emotions can be difficult to define. Unfortunately, many love letters fall shy of inspiring our partners, because no matter how charged our intent, much is lost in putting thoughts to paper.
With this in mind, here are seven solid tips aimed at making your love letter something to be proud of, even if I do say so myself!
1. Avoid Clichés
The more targeted and personalized a love letter is, the greater its impact. While quoting a timeless literary classic may seem like a great idea, the truth is that it distracts greatly from your feelings and the object of your romantic attention.
Remember that your significant other (or crush) is interested in what you have to say, despite how eloquently or concisely Shakespeare “nailed” your feelings.
Using clichés also has the potential to backfire due to the risk that they may have already heard it. The last thing you want to do is trigger a negative memory or remind them of something other than your undivided affection. Drop the perfectionism and define your own message your way, and on your terms.
2. Don’t Overuse Superlatives
Being on the receiving end of a love letter full of superlatives (brightest star, strongest love, e.t.c) is enough to make anyone a little suspicious. In short, it can sound fake. Unless,of course, it is distinctly part of your character and something your partner can immediately identify with.
Used sparingly the use of superlatives can be very effective at creating climatic moments however, and I absolutely do not condemn their occasional usage.
The best love letters should always be something your significant other can identify with. Portraying them as a kind of grand constant of immutable perfection can induce an introspective guffaw rather than a blush. Craft your message in a way that will allow your partner to personally and deeply identify with what you say.
3. Focus On The Details
There’s nothing more endearing than making your history or inside jokes the focus of your letter. It is the pulsating vein of romance that unites you, and separates your union with that of anyone else.
Used in tandem, these two elements can be devastatingly effective. A sprinkling of cheer and humor can make even the most flowery compliment digestible, and a side-order of history is the cement that holds it all together.
4. Make Them Feel Special
Don’t make the mistake of fixating on your feelings, when in reality the subject and object of the letter is that of making your partner feel special.
Expressing your feelings is certainly one way to inspire, but it isn’t the only way — and if your love letter is simply an ode to how you feel it may have the undesirable side-effect of trashing your perceived self-worth.
Other ways to make them feel special include validating their efforts (showing them you don’t take them for granted) or talking about your future together. Mix it up!
5. Out Of The Blue
Contrast and unpredictability are unparalleled tools to ignite romance. Don’t wait for a special occasion that already probably warrants a letter of some kind to open your emotional flood-gates. Chances are they may already expect it, and the effect is therefore diluted greatly.
The more spontaneous your letter is, the less it risks being taken for granted, and the greater the chance it will blow them away.
6. Insecurity Vs Dignity
It is entirely natural to convey the notions that the strength of our feelings are humbling in nature. However, steer clear from conjuring any trace of insecurity. Always prefer dignity over fear.
Examples of insecure (albeit well-intentioned) messages might include:
- What would I do without you?
- Where would I be without your love?
Let’s face it, do you really want them to ask themselves these questions? On top of this, conveying the notion that you continue to consciously choose (and not need) them over anyone else is a better way to catalyze attraction. Wants, not needs!
7. Proper Context
Relationship love letters tend to have different aims, stemming from different motives. Make sure the context surrounding your decision to write is apt, and that your tone and literary voice are appropriate. For instance:
- Post-breakup love letters should not pressure the dumper by conveying unconditional love. It may catalyze further distance.
- Spur of the moment letters should focus on shredding the monotony of a co-dependent routine.
- Marriage or engagement proposals should focus primarily keeping a positive eye on the future.
- Long-distance love letters should focus on relationship history and inside jokes in an effort to reduce the feeling of distance.
Don’t try and make your message a ubiquitous one, love is in the details, allow your tonality to reflect a specific emotion in order to maximize its effectiveness!